In a culture that spans three centuries we have seen an evolution of The Game from men in knickerbockers and caps through tighter than tight shorts to the fastest, football game on the planet. Without doubt the most demanding team test of skill, endurance and courage involving a bladder & cover devised since Eve slipped Adam the golden delicious. As you would expect, the Tribal Appellations have also changed. They can refer to the battle colours worn on the field of play, a variation of the tribal name or an endearing or derisive appellation earned or bestowed by followers of The One True Faith. Some are yelled at the match as encouragement. Some are only used in print.
Adelaide – Known variously as The Crows – The Pride of South Australia – The Free Settlers (referring to their boast of achieving what they have without the use of convict labour) - The Chardonnays for their sophisticated tastes and superior attitude. Their homeland is West Lakes. They were the 1st team to represent The City of Churches aka The City of Light, in the National Competition. They have in their corner one of the most knowledgeable crowds ever to sizzle a sausage in the car park before & after the match. Known as The Rabid Adelaide Mob, they can swing a game with their continuous baying, which makes them a powerful force, akin to the previously most feared piece of Football Turf in the land: The Members’ Wing at Victoria Park.
Brisbane Lions – The Lions – Brissy – The Bears from their previous incarnation as the Brisbane Bears – the Carrara Koalas – The Bad News Bears (originally a derisive appellation from when they were a shambles, later a fearsome appellation from when they took three flags on the trot) – From their even earlier manifestation as Fitzroy – The Maroons – The Gorillas – the Lions – The Boys from Old Fitzroy. Their original homeland was Brunswick Street. It is now The Gabba, or when they’re chopping up the opposition, the Gabbattoir. Old war cry – Go Roys make a noise.
Carlton – The Blues – The Silvertails – The Bluebaggers - The Miseries. In their away jumper – The Persil Whites. Their homeland is variously Princes Park, Optus Oval or Royal Parade. Currently playing their home games at The Docklands.
Collingwood – The Pies – The Maggies – The Woodsmen – The Woods – Carringbush – their supporters are known as The Black&White Army. Their Commander in Chief is a man in a Gold Lameé jacket called Joffa. Their homeland is variously described as the Lexus Centre, Victoria Park or McHale Stadium.
Essendon – The Dons – The Bomber – The Gliders – The Marshmallows – The Whingy Hill Mob. Their homeland is Whingy Hill.
Fremantle – the Dockers – Flaky Freo – The Barry Crockers - The Anchormen – The Stevedores – the Longshoremen.
Geelong are an interesting study. Being based in a one-team town they very much carry the hopes and aspirations of the 200,000 odd folk trapped in that cul-de-sac of Corio Bay. Their appellations reflect very much the mood of the Football team. The Cats (when they’re playing like alley cats) – The Pussies (when they’re playing like fluffy Persians) – The Corio Kittens (when they’re blooding a team of youngsters) – the Moggies (for when they’re playing like Geelong – hot & cold) – The Handbags (Coined by the Late, Living Legend, Captain Blood, when they played clever football and avoided the hard contest). From days of yore they are aka The Pivotonians & The Hoop(er)s. Their homeland is variously Corio Oval - Cardinia Park - Skilled Stadium – The Cattery – Cat Central.
Hawthorn – The Hawks – The Mayblooms (Once a perennial chopping block [Can you imagine it – Ed] they were talked of as a May bloom) – The Mustard Pots – referring to a time when their Guernsey was yellow with a brown V - The Leafblowers – referring to their genteel supporter base in the Leafy East who listen on their walkmans while blowing the Autumn leaves from their nature strip into their neighbours. Their homeland is variously Glenferrie Oval (Linden Cresent), also known as Ausdoc Oval under a sponsorship agreement & Waverly where they have set up a training camp on the old VFL Park.
Melbourne – the Redlegs – The Fuchsias – the Demons – The Dees. They don’t have a homeland. Their Head Quarters is the Longroom at the MCG.
North Melbourne – The Shinboners – The Kangaroos - The Norsemen – The Northerners. Their homeland is Arden Street. War cry – Show ‘em Shinboners.
Port Power – The Tealers – The Other Magpies – The Chokers - Port. Their homeland is Alberton Oval.
RICHMOND – The Tigers. No other appellation needed. Their homeland is PUNT ROAD or TIGERLAND. War cry – eat ‘em alive Tigers. And spit out the bones.
St Kilda – The Saints – The Seagulls – The Culture Club because of its innate ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Ignominy from the jaws of glory. Their original homeland was The Junction Oval at St Kilda but they moved to Moorabbin (Linton Street) in 1965. The upkeep of the oval became too much and they started training out at Casey Field (the home ground for their VFL affiliate The Casey Scorpions). In 2008 they moved the social club from Moorabbin to Frankston (The home of The Frankston Dolphins). Not being completely sure who they are they are sometimes referred to as a combination of all the above. Or The Schizoids.
Sydney Swans – This was a club up rooted from its homeland at Lakeside Oval and plonked down in Steak & Kidney. The Bloods – The Blood Stained Angels was what they were called in their heady glory days back in the early 1930s. the Lakers – the Tinseltowners (after the nickname for Sydney coined by Melbournians) – The Swans - The Harboursiders.
West Coast Eagles – The Weagles – The Coasters – The Eagles.
Western Bulldogs – Once the tribal team of Footscray the Bulldogs carry a few appellations. Footscray naturally to die hards. The Scraggers – The Scrays – The Dogs – The Sons of The West – The Bullies. Their homeland is Whitten Oval. Their warcry , Stick-it-up-’em-scrays.
The Western Sydney Inventions - Also known as the Snow Jobs for the scam the publicity gurus pulled on the Awful Football League’s marketing department. They are still to win match, but that could be because they haven’t played one yet. Their home ground is The Olympic Stadium and their war cry is in the patois of Western Sydney and goes Chicka ratty choo choo, chang chickalorum, pongy lorum poly woly wack, okey pokey atchakai oko, atchakai atchakai iko. No one is quite sure what this is about, which is keeping with the people of the region who, steeped in the culture of other codes, aren’t quite sure what Aussie Rules is about. Their theme song sung to the tune of that old Gracie Field favourite We’ll Meet Again Someday was also played behind the closing credits for Doctor Strangelove as the world as we know it exploded into oblivion.
The Cold Coast White Socks - One of two teams fabricated in the bowels of Jellymont House by the Awful Football League in 2008 to satisfy an irrational marketing itch that would have gone away if left alone. Based at Carrara this outfit has battled since its inception to pull more than the idly curious and the constant stream of freeloaders the Boy Scout Movement, encouraged by the Awful Football League subsidies, have mustered from the retirement villages that make up the Cold Coast hinterland. A recent coup has been to sell a Carrara match tickets attach to Jetstar & Virgin airline tickets from Shanghai as a cultural experience. Alas, the tight sightseeing scheduled has allowed for only one quarter of viewing and the same seats are used four times during a game. Nevertheless, attendances, if not the gate, are up and the marketing department at Jellymont House is over the moon. The club song is sung to the tune of Little Sister, Don’t You Do What Your Big Sister Done.