Aussie Rules Wrap

THE WRAP - Round XI

For The Philosophical Football Fan

What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie. The Shinboners take it right up to The Handbags but Ablett steals the show with a six Brownlow vote performance. West Coast’s glass jaw is once more shattered by The Bloods in a thriller. Battleship Buddy Blasts The Bombers to Oblivion. And Tiger Terry retires to the solarium to contemplate how to manipulate the dynamics at PUNT ROAD as his charges turn a 14 point Half Time Advantage into a 50 point drubbing.

Come Sunday and it was another classic choke from The Other Team From Adelaide - Brissy do what has to be done against a side that doesn’t, to eventually scramble to a comfortable win - and The Doggies do it in style over The Saints.

On Monday it was the Nation’s Oldest Sporting Club’s 150th Birthday. And has been their want on Big Occasion Matches, they put in a spirited performance for the moment. But sadly for those of the 59, 548 who had forgone the pleasures of the snowless slopes it wasn’t enough to halt the Mighty Magpie Machine.

The Breaking News of course this weekend has to be the shift in direction for the MFC. With a new Prez at the helm the Grand Old Flag is about to be planted out on Casey Fields, and with The Scorpions competitive in the VFL, we could all be well advised to keep an eye on TheRed&TheBlue.

Are we alone in feeling Umpiring standards have slipped once more? That they’ve become more proscriptive? Battlestar Buddy is able to shove off opponents as if they were wanton groupies to take a mark, just as long as that shove is not in the back. And he’s not the only beneficiary of the pedantic decision making from the men in primary colours. Coaches are throwing off the head sets and bewildered players arguing all the way back to their new mark, 50m towards goal from the original one. This is making players hesitant and The Paying Fans are missing out on a fair dinkum contest for the pigskin between The Tribes. The operative word there Handy is paying. But the biggest loser is Our Great Game itself as it lurches toward a bewildering tiggy touchwood affair that is frustrating fans & players in equal proportions.

And it’s not only the lads in the primary coloured outfits that are making some absolute howlers. Judging from some of their calls over the weekend, the ones with the white flags are not up to the mark either. If those at the ground we’ll (We’ll accept that some members of the respective cheer squads may not be as fair minded as you’d like to see on a jury panel – Ed) and those watching on the little screen can pick up the errors, the question has to be asked – is it time for TV cameras to adjudicate on some of the calls? We feel confident that Handy Andy will bring back some insight on this from his fact-finding mission to Beijing where a poor call can actually start a world war. Do let’s know how you get on Handy.

We can’t be everywhere, but we picked up at least two. One was a Port Adelaide goal that was touched well over the line. The Flag Waver paid the defensive effort, which was great to watch, and denied the Power five points. The Davey Rodan snap after a magnificent run, although harder to pick with the naked eye, was also one that may have been reversed by a 3rd Goal Umpire. The other instance we picked up was a Footscray goal, one of the only two they scored against the St Kilda tirade in the Opening Stanza, deemed clean when those closer to the action and those watching the slomo at home felt was punched through by a St Kilda defender.

At the halfway point of the season the Final Eight looks all but settled. North are holding on to 8th place by a fingernail and could make way for The Emerging Blues but on form & fixture it’s difficult to see any of the others dropping out. St Kilda have a few internal matters to sort out before they can make more than a mathematical challenge and there’s nothing to be said about The Other Adelaide Team that is in any way complimentary. The rest are only playing for Draft Picks.

Speaking of Draft Picks, around at PUNT ROAD Tiger Terry has offered to once again re-jig the dynamics of the team. Some of the more vocal members of TLSPRF are suggesting that he’s had 4½ years of his five year contract to re-jig the dynamics and that it might be time he did the decent thing and quietly walk out into the gathering blizzard and oblivion. So that he won’t be too lonely they have suggested that the take Pettifer, Bowden and Tivendale with him on some well deserved long service leave.

The Joyful Strains of the National Anthem were absent from the stands when The Socceroos & Iraq battled it out for World Cup qualification over in Dubai. Tickets were priced on a user can afford to pay basis and the allocation formula apparently was one that would have been completely understood at Jellymont House but had the ex-pats of Desert Storm crying foul. The Iraqis pulled one out of the air to slip the orb past the ultra defensive Aussies to equalize their home & away round. The Socceroos need to win one of two remaining matches to make it to the next round of qualifiers.

But enough of my yakken. Let’s see who made it all that closer to Heaven after Round XI.

North v Geelong. The Pundits got this one right, but only just. It could be argued that the game was lost in the Opening Term when The Moggies, with Young Gary on fire, torched The Northerners seven goals to three. No matter how much Shinboner Spirit they imbibed, The Norsemen were unable to make any lasting impression on this cushion. Not that the outcome didn’t hang in the balance a few times. The Sleepy Hollow Faithful would have wrung their Footy Records into shreds by night’s end. And the talk back along The Geelong Road would have all been about how vulnerable the defence was without Scarlett. And how many weeks The Big Hairy Cat will score at Tuesday’s Star Chamber. Look, to be perfectly honest, from the comfort of The Wrap Loungeroom it didn’t look much. A backman offering advice to a forward on his kicking style and the forward explaining that he was quite capable of working it out for himself. It was just boys being boys. There was absolutely nothing in it. They can’t possibly take that out of The Game. Especially if they want to market it in Western Sydney. As comfortable as The Cats’ win looked on the quarter-by-quarter splits, north had their chances to steal this one. No names necessary. TKWTA, but Brent Harvey wasn’t one of them. He’s in CBF and should be considered a smoky for The Charles Brownlow Award at Season’s End. It must be a worry around at Arden Street that they keep doing it the hard way. With Freo over there, The Hawks on The G, The Saints at Carrara & Port in the shadows of Mt Lofty the next four weeks will be great for frequent flyer points and crucial to their September Aspirations. Someone should tell them that it’s not really Just For Recreation Sake To Pass The Time Away. They need to start dominating matches instead of doing it on Shinboner Spirit alone. The Pivotonians have a couple of matches at home against The Power & Freo over the next four weeks along with a trip west as guests of The Coasters and another to The City of Churches as guests of The Pride of South Australia.

RICHMOND v The Chardonnays. With games against Essendon, Fremantle, West Coast and Melbourne (twice), it is more than mathematically possible for RICHMOND to make it Back-to-Back Timber Trophies. And their performance on Saturday strongly suggests they have started their run. With memberships peaked, they have now turned their attention to Draft Picks before the system becomes corrupted by the inclusion of The Cold Coast White Socks and The Western Sydney Experiments. After they failed to capitalize on their opportunities in the 1st half, THE TIGERS proceeded to capitulate in the 2nd. SOTG could be excused for observing that their seemed to be a cavalier post match attitude from their coach. Or maybe he is just exhausted by the challenge of getting them up. Their meeting with equally compromised Melbourne in The Battle of The Co-Tenants next Sunday Evening promises to be a seminal moment in their season. Symbolically for both Clubs the match has been scheduled for Docklands rather than the MCG. The Chardonnays would have welcomed the percentage boost and the Four Points. They would have been marvelling how easily they were able to set up a pattern of play in the 2nd half that their opponents on the day made no move to counter other than to wear out the interchange stewards. They slip back to The City of Light for their Saturday Night Clash with The Ladder Leaders.

West Coast v Sydney. Never any love lost between these two, Saturday night’s encounter was no exception. With more history than the back-to-back Epic Grand Finals between them, The Eagles seemed set for revenge. But as we all know, GTWTCO. The Harboursiders stormed home with a six goal Final Term to steal this one with 60 seconds on the clock. They will be grateful for the Four Points, but it may come at a cost. Adam the Goodes’ head high payback on Adam Selwood has produced a yellow card and the Star Chamber will have to decide whether to send the Dual Brownlow Medallist to that wind swept beach as Company for BBBBarry. If they’re fair dinkum he’ll at least miss that match against St Kilda up at Sydney next Saturday Night. But with two Brownlows to his name, can he expect a leniency not offered lesser drawcards? The Weagles must have thought they had this one nailed, and along with their demolition of The Pride of South Australia a fortnight ago, that the foundations of Fortress Subiaco Mk III had been laid. They slip across to the West Melbourne Stadium to Open Proceedings for Round XII against Mattie Knights’ Bombers.

Essendon v Hawthorn. The New Bombers took it right up to The Hawks on Saturday Night. Only one player stood in the way of The Boilover. And no second prizes for guessing who that player was. Not that The Mustard Pots are a one man show. Far from it. The ball still had to be delivered to the forward line, but it was the way it was delivered that made the difference. Knighter gave the task of minding Battlestar Buddy to Paddy Ryder. He tried his heart out but once The Hawthorn midfield got on top it was impossible to hold the young giant. Scragger Fletcher was given the task for a short while but faired no better. He was tossed aside like a bag of chaff. Look, this kid’s a Goliath. A phenomenon. Rooting Roo at his very best would be a fair comparison. His kicking his only weakness. The Bombers will LFTE. They have The Eagles at Docklands next Friday Night to put what they have learnt to good use. And it must be said they are closer to their next win every week. The Hawkers pack their bags across to The City of Light for what must be considered a Danger Game.

Brissy v Freo. To look at the quarter by quarter breakdown you’d think this was a walk in the park for The Bad News Bears. A closer analysis would show that The Anchormen actually won three of the four quarters. So how did they lose? The Homsdise kicked seven unanswered goals in a burst of Footy that took them into the comfort zone from whence they were not headed. SOTG would have noted the endeavour here as well as the shortcomings. Their shortcomings include a list that may not be able or prepared to die for ThePurpleRedGreen&White. Noting the effect of Knighter’s spray job on The Gliders a few weeks back, Coach Harves let his charges have it at Half Time. The Purple Tsunami didn’t eventuate, but there was evidence of an incoming purple tide. They have invited North Melbourne over to Subiaco for the traditional Saturday Arvo shindig next weekend. Brissy have the unenviable task of running out against The Bulldogs at The G around the same time.

The Saints v Footscray. If it wasn’t apparent before Sunday, it is now. Saint Kilda are not much of a side. By AFL standards they are not even a good ordinary side. They burst onto the Astroturf and took the Doggies by the throat. They were dominating the clearances and should have had a lead at the 1st Huddle that, while not unassailable against an outfit like The Bulldogs, would have provided position that could be defended and/or built on as the tempo of the match demanded. Their squandering of this opportunity would have had their coaches and TLSSKF in tears, and both deserve more. And as we’ve said in this column many times, much more. With no wind to blame in the all weather dome of Docklands, The Scrays caught the same disease in the 3rd Term and saved The Feeling Faints some real scoreboard embarrassment with a 4.8 quarter. Umpire McLaren gave his usual polished display and even at this early stage is looking a certainty once more for Maggot of The Season. His cunning ruse of signalling one way and giving the kick the other once the flood had moved out of defence was a master stroke of innovation and an easy shot on goal for Daniel Giansiracusa. The Saints put in their usual too little too late burst in the Closing Stanza but fooled no one. History would suggest that with VFL Flags in 2000, 2004-06, they have plenty of mirrors down there at Sandy. TLSSKF would like to believe this current St Kilda Playing List will be spending long hours in front of them. They have Sydney up there for the Lakeside Trophy next Saturday Night. The Tricolours have Brissy down here on the Hallowed Turf on Saturday Arvo.

The Power v The Miseries. You have to be joking don’t you. Sure the conditions were testing, but after coming all the way into West Lakes from Alberton on a day that would be more profitably spent in front of the fire with a good comic, and with 8.12 on the board against an opponent who had only managed 3.12 in the same three quarters of football, in front of 29,240, mainly your neighbours, you’d have to expect you would go on to win. I mean, even if The Visitors doubled their score you weren’t going to be overtaken, eh? Enter Brad Ratten’s Persil Whites. They were once again The Only Team All Carlton Knows. And while Port may not be amongst All The Champions (Come on Wrap, they were Premiers a couple of seasons back – Ed) they’ll Know They’ve Been Playing the Famous Old Dark Blues. The Team That Never Lets You Down had been putting in all day but wasn’t making any impression, until they got a sniff in The Last. Judd & Murphy had been in and under all day but when Stevens joined them in the Last Term for one of his best efforts for some time you could feel the side lift. The Cruiser, flogged for most of the game by one of the most formidable rucking combinations going around, chimed in with three final term majors to stamp him as the next Justin Madden at Carlton. As much as we like to malign Port Adelaide as chokers, this wasn’t about that. Neither side took a backward step in a frantic Last Quarter that saw the Port’s Jordan Russell stretchered off after an accidental collision with a teammate in the slipeery conditions. Sure the rain had stopped, which was more to The Blues liking, but conditions were still trying and the match still had to be won. The win leaves The Blues half a game and a little bit of percentage out of The Eight. They have Carringbush at THOF next Sunday Arvo in what should see Bluebaggers coming out of the woodwork from such faraway places as Mansfield & Sydney. For The Chokers it’s the unenviable task of TRP at Cat Central for the early match on Sunday.

Melbourne v Collingwood. The Dees came out with all guns blazing, and showed once again that motivation is one of the requirements Where Hearts Beat True. The nearly did it for Neitzer and they nearly did it for the 150 Heroes who have donned TheRed&TheBlue. But at the end of the day endeavour was only the ship Captain Cook discovered Australia in; they just weren’t good enough. The Long Suffering Redleg Faithful died the death of a thousand cuts as on half a dozen occasions, with the contest in the balance, Melbourne players missed shots on goal that Coach Bailey has seen them nail 10 out of 10 at practice. There was a lot there for The Faithful as they turned out for The Grand Old Flag and a lot to have them rising from their seats. Not least the maggotting. True, they can’t see them all, or get the whistle up quickly enough, but some were no brainers. For instance, one of Brad Green’s misses deserved a 50m penalty when Golly Josh Fraser blatantly pushed him over after he’s taken a mark out on the paint. Other occasions, included a beautiful don’t argue that was penalized as the Dees were streaming goalwards. They had a fair dinkum dip and the sandwich on Shane O’Bree was straight out of the Bruce Andrew’s text book. It must be said that The Pies responded heroically under some extreme on-field and scoreboard pressure. And doesn’t that Drouin Showpony love a run? With the word from the Coach’s Box to ice the clock with a 2½ goal lead in time-on he had to have a dash. He couldn’t help himself. Jock McHale would have dropped him next week, but with image being everything around at the Lexus Centre, he’ll be amongst the first picked. And wasn’t it beautiful to watch? Icing on the cake. A trademark mark, run and bounce goal, his Ronnie Wearmouth locks streaming in the breeze. This time it was the Black&White Army’s turn to rise to their feet. They’d weathered the storm and were back to their cheeky best. And The Maggies need a bit of icing. They came through this one with a couple of injury worries to the 2nd Rocca Brother and Scott Pendlebury, and The 3rd Cloke Brother could possibly receiving an invitation from Jellymont House to explain why his Glasgow Kiss should not be reviewed by the Star Chamber. They will need all hands on deck for next Sunday Arvo’s clash against Bitter Rivals Carlton at, where else, The G. The Fuchsias have a Danger Game again THE TIGERS under cover to close off Round XII.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.